The Gift

I remember the first time

I gave you a gift 

It was wrapped perfectly 

Symbolic of all 

that I had put into it 

Hard work, blood,

Tears like rain 

 and even a little of that

I may not make it thru this- pain 

 And I remember you said... 

 Thank God! 

 Thank. god. 

 And I thought 

 Whomever is this God 

 He must be great 

 And thusly 

 My gift must be great also, 

 at the very least 

 To YOU. 

 Thank. God you said

 I felt the exchange 

 A light. Shining. I felt Lighter 

 Having experienced 

 The power of giving 

I intended to give more 

But then- 

 There's always a then 

 Then... 

 I saw the way you cared for it 

 When I wasn't looking 

 And even later- 

 When I was... 

 It began to show 

 Signs of being defiled 

 And wear and tear 

 Long before it should 

 Each scratch 

 Became a wound 

 the wound, 

 a scar 

 and my gift to you 

 Now a curse to me 

 And I... 

 I wanted to take it back 

 I wanted God to remove it from you 

 To forcefully 

 Lightning strike you down 

 strike the gift from your possession 

Right there 

 Where you were standing 

 Take it back from you... 

 Like an Indian giver 

 Like a reneging 

 Put that spade back on the table 

 You just cut your partner out 

 And me and she  

Are about to run a Boston 

 Flip the table 

 On your sorry azz 

 A righteous take back 

 A take down 

 And after 

 With my last breath 

 I... Wanted...to... 

 thank God 

 Just like you 

 But mean it. 

 I wanted to nurse it 

 Back to nice 

 To life 

 Back to ripe 

 Full and pumping! 

 To all the greatness 

it Was before 

I gifted it to you 

Before... you mocked it 

 before me 

and God 

 Before I gave you me 

 I wanted that me back 

 Sans scuff and brokenness 

 Back in the box 

 With a pretty bow 

just like when I gave it to you 

I would have THAT me 

 And I would say 

 Thank you. 

 God!....

Poeticly Cooking: Frittata Boot Camp

My first time began with an egg scramble gone awry... I basically forgot to scramble it and I suck at flipping with a spatula.  So... what to do? It hit me that I'd seen someone at North Star Cafe with a frittata and then, that I might have an idea how to make it. I dont know how... I just have tons of information stored in my head and it seems to know when to push to the front if my thoughts. In this case, it was probably a cooking show memory. I basically watch them for relaxation AND fall asleep to them nightly. But I digress... so I tipped the pan to cause the uncooked egg to rise to the top. I finished in the oven, posted a pic to my Instagram and dug in. It was DELISH!  Want to give it a try? Heres how to make a basic frittata. You can change it up to your own liking.  Lets go- forwarrrrrrd MARCH!

Essentials to key to any frittata (hence the bootcamp):

A cute dish (ok, you dont need per se but cute dishes ROCK)

1 carton of egg whites

1/4 cup of cream (Or just a splash) 

1/2 cup mushrooms

1/2 cup onions

1 cup spinach, broccoli or other green of preference

Pre-cooked Bacon or other meat (sausage, ground turkey)

Cheese is optional (goat cheese or parmesean are great)

Dont like those veggies?! Get your own soldier!!

First, pre-heat your oven to 425

Sautée your veggies in a healthy oil such as olive oil or clarified butter. Sautee to your desire on low to medium heat.

In a separate dish, whisk together your eggs, splash of cream and seasonings. I use salt, pepper, garlic and others based on what im trying to achieve. Sometimes I add taragon or cumin or rosemary. 

Once your eggs are mixed well, pour atop your vegetables. Add the meat. If you are using a pan that can go from stove top to oven, you can continue to cook the eggs for a bit and as the bottom firms up, tip it to cause the uncooked eggs on the top to go to the bottom. You can also skip the stove top part altogether! Either way, place dish in oven and cook until firm. Bake for 15-25 minutes or until firm. Add cheese during the last 5 minutes and VOILÀ! You have graduated from frittata boot camp! Enjoy and please comment and subscribe! 

Before baking (See exhibit A - cute dish :) )

All done!

Poeticly Cooking: Two Apple Spinach Salad

One of my favorite things to do is recreate meals that I find at local eateries.  Because I've been eating clean I had the notion to copy one of my favorite salads. Cap City restaurant features the Two Apple Spinach Salad. After having it once and falling in love, I decided I had to have it whenever I wanted versus only the times I made it to a locale. It's beautiful and pretty simple and quick to prepare:

You'll need: 

2-4 Salmon filets

2-4 slices of bacon

2-4 apples (gala and green)

1 bag of spinach

2-4 tablespoons of goat cheese

Pecans (optional)

Season and grill a piece of salmon to your liking ( I sometimes pan fry them in olive oil for 6 minutes on each side- medium heat)

Slice 2 types of apple

Fry (or microwave) a couple slices of bacon and crumble

Arrange spinach on a plate. Arrange the apples on separate sizes. Place the cooked salmon in the middle. Sprinkle with the bacon, goat cheese and pecans if you like them. Serve with a balsamic vinaigrette or whatever dressing you prefer.

Bon appetite!

Chalk the Block at Easton Town Center

One of the things I love about Easton Town Center on the north side of Columbus is that on any given day you might encounter an art festival or a live band. On our way to grab some brunch today, the hubs and I discovered both when we rounded a corner and stumbled upon Chalk the Block! Chalk the Block is a contest happening at the center where competitors gather to create amazing works of art using chalk in the streets. 

We found them engaged in their work just outside Brio. Some artists drew their work in advance, while others appeared to sketch them freehand from the creativity of their own minds. All were sketched on the streets in bright hues and amazing artistry. We saw super heroes, anime, animals and lots of other fun illustrations. As the artists worked, a live band played music (I recognized one song by Daft Punk) while families perused the streets. Children were allowed to look, but not touch although some artists allowed the kids to draw their own pictures nearby. One artist, Lea Gray, allowed some of the children to color in parts of her master piece. I personally thought that was awesome! You can find Lea at  http://m.leagraydesign.com. Here is her project:

We found ourselves returning to see the progress as they worked to complete their drawings by the 6:00 pm deadline. Of course the event wouldn't be a contest without prizes. All artists were competing for prizes up to $500 and the audience was able to vote for "The Peoples Choice". The event ends on Sunday when all projects are complete and votes have been counted. Various live bands are scheduled to play and it's truly fun for the entire family! While you can see the start of many projects below, if you have a little free time you should go see the winners and their work on Sunday! Your kids (and your inner kid) will love you for it!

Product Review: Eden BodyWorks Cleansing Co-Wash and Leave-InConditioner

A visit to Sallys Beauty Supply in June caused me to purchase the co-wash from Eden BodyWorks. I had heard lots about it thanks to it being included in CurlBox kits. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I always knew I'd give it a try despite my loyalty and love to the one from As I Am. I love coconut oil and it was in the top ingredients. I tried it a few times before taking a trip to Washington, D.C. where I had the honor of attending a conference on volunteering and service. It just so happened that included in the conference goodie bags was a sample of the leave-in from the same line. SCORE! I found it interesting that it was included because there really aren't a lot of African-Americans that attend this particular event. So, I came to the obvious conclusion that it is intended for all hair types. Cool.

So let's get to it. The first few times I used the co-wash I was not particularly impressed. It cleansed my hair- no doubt but it didn't give it that extra umph factor that would make me go back and buy it again. My hair cooperates completely when it likes a product it is soft and compliant afterward. This time is was compliant but not really soft. I didn't give up but I left it behind when I went to D.C. While at the conference, I washed my hair with a dreadful, typically expensive shampoo and conditioner that came with the hotel room. HATED IT! I roomed with my Caucasian friend whose hair also HATED IT! We give that product 2 thumbs down and a flush! It starts and ends with an "A" friends and that's all I have to say about that.

I decided to combat the washing fiasco by using the Eden BodyWorks leave-in. My hair still felt really hard and ridiculous so I gave it a pass and asked for another sample to be used later. Fast forward to Sunday night. I decided to use the co-wash and leave-in together. You know what they say about using products from the same line... It's supposed to yield fantastic results, right? Well, if I'm honest... it left ok results. I tried the co-wash for about 30 days. There are some products which just cause my hair to shrug. Like- yeah that was cool but I don't want seconds or need a repeat visit. That's kind of how I feel about how Eden BodyWorks and my hair.

You can see from the pic that I used the products until they were gone. I can take it or leave it and for now I'll be leaving it. Perhaps I'll try again in a few months since I like the story behind it. You can read it here:  http://www.edenbodyworks.com/?page_id=2. I also like that the company does not use parabens, sulfates, etc (remember- I'm a product snob). I always seem to get product amnesia. What can I say? I'm a second chances kind of girl after all. Here's my overall take:

Price: $$ (reasonable)

Consistency: The co-wash was kind of runny but it't not clear. Just one of my personal quirks.

Results: The co-wash is cleans. The leave-in-- Hmmmm... I would like to say it added moisture being water-based and all, but I really can't say which is a sign that it didn't work for me.

Have you tried any of the Eden products? Which ones? Share with me some of your feedback! I like good news! Just because it isn't for me, doesn't mean it isn't for you. It's probably just me... it usually is. ;D

Absence makes the heart grow fonder... Right?

I think the answer is... sometimes! So... ya girl has been busy with EVERYTHING. Life happens to me every few months and I get off track from my writing and many other things. My absence has been mostly work related but fortunately I had a great 2 weeks away from the place and got not all-- but a good portion of my mojo back!

I took a week long vacation to Assateague State Park in Maryland where wild horses run free. While there and enjoying the view, my thoughts ran free also! I thought a lot about life, my future and where I was going with this blog. I really wanted to write from the beach but I was distracted by the state of it. I determined that I mostly like discussing the most recent topics... Hair, music and other not so heavy topics. I realized though that I've kind of lost my passion for glasses. I still like them, but my focus isn't there. I really want to start sharing my poetry. So- I changed the name of the blog. Im pretty authentic... even here but I want be even more open. The name now reflects the moniker I use in my social media life (twitter, Instagram, Pinterest). So when you see that- know its me!

Anyway, expect to see some of the same and also some new! Happy second half of the year!

Must Be the Music - The Death of the Radio DJ

Back in the 80's there was a song that I loved called- Must Be the Music by Secret Weapon. It had a super long intro, a funky beat and ventured into the world of deejays and rap. Man! That song would immediately get my pre-teen legs to grooving and my fingers snapping from beginning to end. If I was lucky enough to press record when it came on the radio- I replayed and danced all over again! I became an expert at predicting which songs a deejay would play next so that I could record the hot songs and ignore those I didn't like as much.  The death of the true radio DJ has long been a point of discontent. There was a time when it was the job of a DJ to know what was hot and what wasn't. They introduced us to new artists and had a long repertoire from which to pull. On any given day, you might here KC and the Sunshine Band, Taste of Honey, Brothers Johnson, Natalie Cole, Earth, Wind & Fire, Hall & Oates, Toto, Foreigner, Barry White, Lou Rawls, Luther Vandross, Isaac Hayes, Marvin Gaye, Pointer Sisters, Aretha Franklin or Patti LaBelle. The list goes on and on and it changed based on the era in which you grew up. You got to know the deejays then. You could trust them to share if they actually liked a song and to ask the listeners for their opinions. One of my favorites was Dr. Perri Johnson out of Philadelphia. I missed his flavor sorely when I moved from the east coast to Ohio. His air time came with an announcement: "You’re listening to the good Dr. Perri Johnson, Music Therapist". You just knew that some good music (old and new) was to follow! Interestingly enough, there was so much good music available that you were more than excited when they finally played YOUR song! Now, it's back on in 20 minutes (deep sigh).

Today, it is rare to hear anyone beyond Beyonce, Nikki Minaj, Rihanna, Katie Perry, Justin Beiber, Little Wayne, Drake, Jay-Z, Kanye, Usher and the like. Even worse, you must listen to their songs repeat so much that if you go out for lunch at noon, when you get back in your car at 1-1:30 the same song by the same artist is likely playing. Current radio DJs have become robots, a slave to the machines that crank out their pre-paid playlists. The most you know about them is if they hit the clubs, if they think the song will be hot at the club and about their apparent passion and enthusiasm for celebrity gossip. But--what about the MUSIC?? In essence- many of them are wack; likeable, but wack. Unlike hip hop, the art of being a DJ on the radio HAS suffered a largely unexamined death. It is evidenced by the fact that nearly every time my local station announces a new song- you can count on it being an artist hyped by none other than- a label. To ice the cake- it is more than likely one of the artists listed in the first sentence of this paragraph! Just the other day I heard them promoting an opportunity to download or delete it by none other than Drake. It’s like… C’mon son!

So, what's wrong with that? I mean, I actually like most of them and will dance (skate and workout) to their music too. But that's not all there is. The saddest part about the death of the radio DJs is all the music WE miss out on unless we're savvy enough to avoid being force-fed the pay-for-play artists. Savvy listeners access internet radio stations or utilize apps like Pandora. I personally love so many genres of music (hip hop, soul, jazz, country, pop) that I seek tunes out in other ways. I often entertained the idea of becoming a DJ and thought I had a voice for radio. I still think of doing it now. I'm not afraid to say a song is terrible. I'm not afraid to close my mouth (and ears) to the spoon trying to force songs down my throat. You shouldn't be either. Some like OutKast have managed to break thru the mold. Some like Pink have managed to make the music they actually WANT to make versus what the labels force upon them... But, you need to discover the good stuff for yourself. Check out talents like The Roots (I mean go back and listen to some of their old stuff- I'm still discovering!), Mint Condition, Viktor Duplaix, Amel Larrieux, Lianne La Havas, Hill St. Soul, Emile Sande, Kimbra, Luke James and heck, Foreign Exchange. Your local radio DJs may not know much about these artists but I sure do! Google them and stay tuned as I share what I've heard! And while you're at it, say RIP and pour out a little likka for DJs!

Revisiting Shea Moisture Curl Smoothie



Smile- it's definition!



 Man! I used to loovvvvve me some Shea Moisture Curl Smoothie! Back in the day when I frequented Curly Nikki, I was one of the first ones to try it. I tested it out on my 5-inch hair and fell in love. I loved the smell, the definition it provided to my twist/braid-outs, the affordable pricing AND the fact that I could get it on the ground at my local Target. Then one day it stopped working. It seemed that overuse made my hair dry up quite a bit. I attributed it to the fact that perhaps my hair didn't enjoy all of that protein and gave it up gladly. However, I decided to give it another try for no good reason (well... it just kept calling me like Pookie on New Jack City!). I'm glad I did. On Friday night I did a late night twist set using the curl smoothie, passing up all my other faves. I intended to take the twists out the next day but I ended up keeping them in until the following Tuesday (today!). While in twists, I moistened the hair after workouts with a spray bottle of water, olive and avocado oils. Today, I have a good looking twist out. It's super soft, defined, has lots of body and all the peeps love my 8-track (I mean, twist out!). I'm excited though because I enjoy wearing my hair out when I teach Zumba. On a good day, my hair  bounces around just as freely as the rest of me. After class tonight I will probably twist it back up and leave them in until Saturday when I have a photo shoot with a group that I'm in (Che' Marie and Extended Play). I'm excited. I'll post the results later. In the meantime- come on Shea Moisture!

 

Aerial view (ignore those granny grays!)



Let's Play in the Mud!

Thanks to my farm-raised mother, as a kid I always loved to run thru rainy puddles with my bare feet. I developed a special appreciation for pressing my toes into the squishy, coolness of mud and would later enjoy pulling night crawlers from their muddy holes during late nights in my neighborhood. My siblings and I earned money doing the latter from local fishermen and bait stores! While I still don't mind walking into cool wet grass with my bare toes, I'd given up playing in the mud for more girly things like clay. Crafting ash trays and vases from clay was a favorite activity in art class and I always thought I'd pick it up later. While on the back to natural journey, I learned that many naturals wash their hair with mud/clay! If you didn't know there are popular brands such as the one by Terressentials which can be ordered online. But you can also make your own, saving big $$$ just as I did last weekend. I already owned some clay which I use for homemade facials. In preparation, I wet my hair with a spray bottle:

 

Wet hair with spray bottle



You can buy Aztec brand clay at many local health stores, including Whole Foods. Looking around on the internet I found some recipes. When determining a recipe, I sort of pick and choose the ingredients that I know my hair likes or NEEDS. I create my mix based on that information. This time, in the following order and in a plastic bowl (do not use metal as it changes the properties of the mix), I mixed:

2 tbsp Aztec Secret Healing Indian Clay (about $5)

1 tbsp Olive oil

1Tbsp of honey

Essential oils (depends on my hair needs - this time I used peppermint and basil)

1/3 c. of water or aloe vera juice (you can warm it a little for easier mixing). You may use more or less as it should be the consistency of pancake batter.

I then poured it into a bottle (must get a funnel for next time!). I applied the mixture to my hair and scalp which I'd dampened earlier. I saturated my hair with the clay wash and rubbed it into my scalp. The basil and tea tree oils are stimulators, so it felt tingly! After applying, I put a plastic baggy on my hair and allowed the wash to perform magic on my strands!  You can see from the picture that when I finished, I pinned the sections with bobby pins.



Let mud sit for 20 minutes!



Mud applied
























20 minutes later I washed it all out in the shower. Remember- this is actually for washing your hair so you don't need to shampoo afterward. Don't allow the clay to dry on your hair as it will become more difficult to rinse. Thoroughly rinse the clay from your hair with a cheap conditioner. I just took care of it in the shower which is how I lost my eyeshadow and lipstick! LOL



Mud rinsed (ahhh shrinkage!)

Afterward, I applied my leave-in and styled per usual. Now... this "shampoo" really does remove any product build up from your hair. You may not even know that you had any especially if you're using products with sillicones. For me, the wash encouraged my shrinkage (see the pic above) but left my hair clean, soft and shiny. I loved it and will do it once a week as I long ago abandoned shampoos. They leave my hair feeling stripped and dry which is why I mostly co-wash. Below is the twistout I got after styling. It's full of shine, body and bounce!

That's it folks! Will you or have you given mud washes a try? Share what were, or are your results!

Peace and love, naturally!



















Sometimes I- disappear...

For long periods no less! Sorry folks! Between writing a grant for work, the holidays and my anniversary this chica has been busy! I've let many projects and such fall by the wayside but have attempted to maintain some semblance of a routine (i.e. teaching Zumba, trying struggling to eat properly, making holiday cards, some that just went out this morning O_O). I even managed to go to the movies once. I saw Les Miserables... I kind of liked it. There was a good storyline, decent acting and a LOT of howling singing, crying and overall it was just an incredibly sad film/musical. You can totally see why it was released during the holidays! Right? No? Needless to say it wasn't my cup of tea but I enjoyed it a little and managed to expand my horizons a bit.

Aside from that, I did my hair a few times but mostly it's been pinned up because I'm doing a protective style challenge until spring. I did it last year too, however this year I haven't been keeping up with the required videos because I've been too busy! I did one pretty late at night that made me laugh when I viewed it later! It was such a mess! Either way my hair has either looked like this when it's in an updo. I tend to either have the front twisted or hanging like it is. Always been a bangs girl!

or this when it's wild and free:

Anyway, in other news I'm starting an etsy with plans to sell some of my photo prints and other fun items. I am dedicating a blog to this endeavor and I will probably change the name of this one. I want to make it more personal. Stay tuned on both endeavors AND for a few music and product reviews!

Happy New Year! I started mine off eating clean again. I have a major goal to hit. The only resolution type thing I'm doing. Everything else is full steam ahead- per usual.

~Peace, Naturally

As I Am Gel and Double Butter Cream Review



 Greetings! Todays hair has been brought to you by As I Am Gel and Double Butter Cream! Purty ain't it? Inspired by the lyrics of one of my favorite holiday songs (I really can't stay... baby, it's cold out there!), this hair is the result of protective styling. After a solid week of 70-80 degree weather, Hurricane Sandy decided that play time is o'vah and we are now officially prepping for the cold in Ohio. We were bouncing back and forth before but fall is here to stay and with that comes cold rain, winds and eventually winter. For me, dry hair comes with the cooler temperatures. The moisturizers that got me thru summer no longer do the trick so I've been scouting new ones. This week I did a twist and bantu set using Paul Mitchell The One Conditioner and As I Am Gel. I like the As I Am gel. It is kind of runny like kinky curly but the consistency is not as weird to the touch. My curls seemed to like it too!

After teaching Zumba on Saturday though I knew I needed to at least rinse the twists because they had begun to look dry. I stopped at the local Sallys to pick up another product by As I Am - the double butter cream because I'd seen some talk of it on Facebook by a couple of other naturals and their results piqued my interest. Because they were touting the moisturizing benefits, I knew that I would try it. It's not cheap folks. Sally's was offering $1 off on the Saturday I visited. Although I was grateful for any savings, I balked at the $20 price tag for 16oz. Geez! My issues were short-lived as I obviously walked out of the store with it in tow- but best believe I gave it the "I WILL bring you back" side-eye as we departed.

In any case, I went home and rinsed the sweat from my hair. I imagine some, but not all of the gel washed out. I then took apart the existing twists and redid them using the Double Butter Cream. At first glance and touch, it was reminiscent of the Bee Mine Curly Hold Butter that I used every now and again. While I like the look of my hair on Bee Mine, I can't make it a mainstay because it is drying after the first day. My hopes for a new moisturizer that you can get on the ground increased as I read the labeling. As I Am claims the Double Butter Cream Rich Daily Moisturizer is a rich emollient blend that adds softness, shine and manageability to dull, dry hair. The directions state that you can use it sparingly or liberally based on your hairs needs. Sounds too good to be true to me! I chose somewhere in the middle as I ran the product down my strands from root to tip. I then put the twists in bantu knots and let them dry until Sunday. I was quite pleased! My hair looked very moisturized and felt soft to the touch. My friend said she hated my hair when she saw me. Translation - I LOVE your hair! That was good because I was loving it too!The results are shown in the picture above with the orange shirt. I'm going to use this product only for the next couple of weeks. On Sunday night I put my hair into twists for the week. They looked pretty amazing all week I must say. I retouched them later and used the butter cream without the gel underneath. On Friday, I removed the twists and loved what I saw:

 It really does have amazing hold without gel underneath.All in all, I am really digging this line of products. Here's how the double butter cream rates for me:

Price:  $$$ - but... might be worth it

Feel/Smell: I like the half cream/half gel feel. I don't recall the smell which means it isn't over powering.

Promise: It did everything it said it would do. Hair stayed moisturized for days!

Hair types: Definitely works well with upper 3C - 4abc

Have you tried As I Am products? Tell me what you think!

A Drop of History

Standing and looking over the cliff of empty nester life, I find myself surrounded by friends who are newlyweds and parents. These friends are just starting or growing their young families. I enjoy their company, listening to their stories, laughing with them and sometimes meting out advice. Every now and then, I feel a twinge of short-lived jealousy thinking I’m open to raising another child. However, I like better the idea of borrowing one of theirs and giving it back. After returning said child, I know I can reclaim my new life of responsibility for me, myself and I. I've earned this bit of selfishness after 18 years! Self reflection is a huge part of witnessing the experiences. I relate, having once been a new mom/parent also. I listen to their stories and remember my own experience of giving birth. If I shared that part of my life, you would hear all the excitement, fears and joy I felt when my son joined the universe. I know that just like me, my friends will share their stories with their children and they will claim and love it. My son loves hearing that part of his story. It is one drop amongst many others in the history of his life.

As an adoptee, that part of my own story has been fleeting. Before I learned I was adopted, I tried to imagine my mom pregnant with me in her stomach. She was always Foxy-Cleopatra-Brown-fine in her bell-bottoms, snug blouses, wigs and make up. I couldn't imagine her with a big belly, let alone birthing the four of us. She always spoke gently about our birth stories. There was rarely detail; especially with me. When I learned to do math, I figured out that she was 27 years older than me. That age seemed pretty old to be having babies in my young mind but there were too many of us to deny some birthing had in fact happened.

Always fond of the camera and pictures, even as a kid I loved browsing family photos in search of me and my siblings and other relatives. It was much later in life that I realized the tragedy of mom responding that a baby photo was one of my siblings while indicating that perhaps this or that unmarked chubby, brown bambino was me. It just didn't hit me then. Nor did it hit me when I learned I was adopted at age 10. It began to hit me when I realized that everything I thought I knew about how I came to exist was a lie. Perhaps a lie intended for protection, but a lie just the same. It hits me now when I listen to the stories of my friends and understand that I will never hear the joy my parents felt when I entered the world. I will never know if it was a difficult or easy birth. Or if my mom cried when she first laid eyes upon me, as I did when I saw my son. I will never hear about my dad pacing or fainting in the delivery room. I know now that in fact, he wasn't there. I will never see pictures of my baby room. I will never know if I stayed up all night but slept all day, if I was colicky or cried a lot. Lost further in the archives of foster parent life are stories of when I first smiled or got my first tooth. As an adoptee, it is not uncommon to learn that certain facts about your existence are lost to you. You learn to live with them. Can’t miss what you never had- right?

All in all, I'm thankful for my memories and the numerous photos I took of my son. As long as they exist, I can share them with him and his children should I have the opportunity. I tell him stories about his life now without him asking because I understand the importance. I smile at the stories of my friends and even those shared by my husband’s family of his life beginnings. I tell my friends to record and document everything. While I’ll never know parts of my own story, I try to weave parts of it together with the bits of history I picked up via my reunion. I live vicariously through my experiences and those of my friends and family. I smile with them at pictures and laugh at the funny incidents that occur when I'm present. I accept that our collective experiences may be the only opportunity and insight I receive to fill in the blanks of my personal history. Every drop counts. But sometimes that reality and acceptance makes me cry and lament over the drops that I can never regain.

 

Interested in my adoption/reunion story? Follow/visit my other blog - findinggloriamarie@blogspot.com

 

Hair Nightmares: Sometimes free ain't free

A couple of nights ago, I had a nightmare. A Mary Kay Consultant offered to give me a mini make-over after saying that she did free make-up and trims. Instead, she chopped off a great deal of my hair. In reviewing the dream, I understood why I accepted her doing my make-up. Mary Kay is well known in our communities for their make-up products. That makes total sense. BUT- why I allowed her to give me a TRIM is another story. When she finished, she spun my chair around and showed me the final results in a huge, bevel-edged mirror. What I saw was not what I imagined when I said yes. I expected me, with good looking ends. What I got was half bob/half 80's Patti Labelle wig... Think this little self portrait I did:

My exact expression. lol

As soon as I saw myself, I lost it, crying and screaming- WHAT DID YOU DO??!!  I was inconsolably sick over it in the dream AND still in that state when I woke up. It was THAT real. I found myself trying to think of how I'd explain to my stylist Nikki what happened and worrying about the long journey back to my current length. I imagined YEARS of the same hard work I put in to get here!

Thank God it wasn't real but I'm still feeling a bit traumatized! I've heard horror stories about stylists applying relaxers in disguise as a deep treatment much to the dismay of their natural clients. I've even had a stylist go scissor crazy on my natural hair. This dream however, seemed worse than real life. Maybe because it was actually LIKE real life. We put a great deal of trust and expectation into strangers every day. We believe someone will care for every part of us, with the same or better love and level of attention that we give ourselves. And if they don't- as a society we sue, cuss them out, ruin their reputations. We do it every day with doctors, dentists, employers and yes- hair dressers. We believe that because they came with a reputation, degree and/or word of mouth they will serve or treat us right. This isn't a bad thing. But, the truth is, care for you- starts with YOU and your decisions. In my nightmare, a snap decision led me to a place I quickly regretted. I didn't think it through. I wanted what I wanted. It seemed an attractive opportunity and while it didn't cost anything- I paid the price. I also understood the lesson- sometimes free ain't free. As I typed, I connected this line of thought to my personal fitness quest. I understand that every time I document my food journal and follow my eating plan, I'm caring for me. Every time I hit the pavement in preparation for my first 5k, I'm caring for me. With every Zumba routine, I'm caring for me. It doesn't have to cost me anything to get in shape and if it does- I know I'm worth it. Likewise, I need to keep in mind that it WILL cost me to continue being out of shape and eating poorly. I'm trying to change that and the process of change is more than a snap decision. I have to keep it at the forefront daily. I have thought about and calculated the costs of not caring. That price is far higher than anything I'm willing to pay or that I can afford.

Interesting the things a dream can teach you, huh?

Good bye wash-n-go's, Hello protective styles!

This is a combo post. Previously, I've discussed my weight loss journey and hair separately but the truth is- they're connected. During the last month of summer I primarily styled my hair via wash and go's (wngs) because it seemed that my journey of working out and getting fit was causing me to wash or rinse my hair almost daily. I sweat like nobody's business when I teach Zumba and most of it comes from the head and shoulders (don't judge me). Wearing scarves and pin-ups do not help the matter. When I try to go to sleep, the sweat on my scalp causes the itchies and as a result, I get no sleep. So, wash and go styles were in my best interest all summer! I figured- if it ain't broke, why fix it!

In September I decided to exercise a minimum of 30 minutes per day thanks to a FaceBook challenge from MTV Real World cast original- Kevin Powell. I already teach Zumba 2-3 times a week but I decided to add some layers to my workout regimen. With this plan in mind, I completed my first walk/run in September. I use the Ease Into 5K application (formerly known as C25K. Check it out if you can and are interested in running. It's pretty cool). During the months of August and September I would rinse or co-wash (using As I am Coconut Co-Wash) after my workouts, add leave-in conditioner, EcoStyler Pink and head out. By the end, I'd begun to squeeze out the excess water and conditioner (learned this from vlogger ShidaNaturals, whom I LOVE) before adding the gel. This sped up my drying time and lessened shrinkage. Since I was working out in the evenings, I would just wait until the morning to do the entire process again. NOW... it is pretty cool outside and wash and go styles are no longer practical. Venturing from the house with wet hair isn't the best idea. I have no interest in getting sick or drinking that icky blue stuff that's supposed to ease symptoms so I can get some rest. No sir/ma'am- I'll take my sleep without sickness or medication for all the money, Alex!! So, I've decided to mostly keep my hair in protective styles all fall and winter. I'll primarily wear twisted pin-up styles (similar to the one shown above), co-washing or rinsing at night so that my hair will be dry in the a.m.

Ultimately, this plan will assist my workouts versus hinder them. My workouts are now a priority and not a secondary thing that can be skipped at whim. Being natural has helped me maintain this thought process. A lot of this is mental. When I was relaxed- I wasn't relaxed at all. Before every workout I was so uptight about messing up my hair especially if it was freshly done! With that concern long out of the way- I have other worries. Soon enough I'll have to bring my entire workout inside to the gym but right now I soooo enjoy the outdoors (can't believe I'm saying that!), the brisk, fresh air and the sun. My journey includes caring for my entire self and sticking to it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy for and about myself. It makes me proud of ME for making self care a priority. You only get one you. I can never say enough to you or me- Take care of yourself, head to toe, inside AND out. Moreover, don't let a little thing like hair get in the way.

~PEACE and LOVE, NATURALLY

Recipe: Pumpkin Streusel Pie

It's been a long time since I posted a recipe. You would think I don't like to cook but of course I do! The weather is getting cooler and I've been in the mood for something tasty, warm and... HEALTHY!! Ok, ok- I haven't  REALLY been in the mood for anything healthy but as part of my discipline to be a better me, it's necessary. Today I was in Starbucks and someone ordered a pumpkin latte. It looked delightful and gave me the idea to bake something pumpkin-y tonight. I remembered a Betty Crocker recipe I pull out every winter to the delight of my son and myself (the DH doesn't like pumpkin). This is another recipe I'd make when I was doing Weight Watchers. I picked up many great eating tips and making a worthy dessert was one of my main quests. So, here it is- if you try it, let me know!



Topping

First there is the topping. Mix all the ingredients and set aside:
Brown Sugar Topping
1/4 c. packed brown sugar
1/4 c. quick cooking oats
1 tbsp of margarine (I used Land O'Lakes butter)
Mix all of the ingredients and set aside




Mix the next ingredients in a blender or food processor in the order listed.
Remaining ingredients
1 can (15 oz) pumpkin
1 can (12 oz) evaporated skimmed milk
1/2 c. fat-free cholesterol-free egg product or 4 egg whites
1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. all purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/8 tsp of salt
2 tsp of grated orange peel

Topping added

Cover and blend on medium speed until smooth. Pour into a pie pan/plate. Try to use a deep-dish pie plate as you may find that there is more than a normal pie pan can hold. After pouring into your dish, sprinkle the topping across the mixture.

Bake for 50-55 minutes or until a knife inserted into the center comes out clean. Allow to cool for 15 minutes. Now... at this point the recipe says you should place in the refridgerator for 4 hours or until chilled. Personally, we give it about 20 minutes to get to the point of being warmed (versus scorch your esophagus hot) and go for it! Basically, try it your way! 




The deets on calories and such are below. I interpreted this to being 4 weight watcher points per slice (provided you turn it into 8 portions).
Recipe makes 8 servings
200 Calories
2g Fat
2mg Cholesterol
230mg Sodium
38g Carbs
2g Dietary fiber
7g Protein

If you try it, please come back and comment! In the meantime, my son is chomping at the bit and complaining that I'm sharing this recipe! Bon appetite!

Peace!

Product Review: Ouidad Mediterranean Bay Leaf Exfoliating Hair and Scalp Treatment

As I love to say- he does the work, and I get the perks! My husband scored a 2 oz size of Mediterranean Bay Leaf Exfoliating Hair & Scalp Treatment. It's a product from the Salon Series by Ouidad. The bottle says that it "helps promote healthy hair growth". Further research indicated the product would exfoliate the scalp, alleviating product build-up and ease issues with dandruff. I don't have any dandruff issues, but I may sometimes have issues with product build-up. At first glance, I thought- "eh" and that maybe I'd use it, or maybe not. Tonight, maybe turned into a reality as I decided to wash my hair for the week in preparation for a protective style challenge I entered and the bottle was glowing at me from its space. Funny how products always communicate and beckon to me from faraway spaces in my house! Even though I decided to use it anyway, I realized it might also be good to know exactly what I was putting on my scalp. After all, I am normally a self-proclaimed product snob but tonight the inner snob did her best to see/hear no evil about this product. Anyway, the ingredients aren't listed on the bottle, but a quick visit to the website turned up the following:

Water, Cetearyl Alcohol, Glycerin, PEG-16 Macadamia Glycerides, Vitis Vinifera (Grape) Seed Oil, Polysorbate 60, Hexylene Glycol, Bambus Arundinacea (Bamboo) Stem Powder, Pimenta Acris (Bay) Leaf Oil, Hexapeptide-11, Citrus Limon (Lemon) Fruit Extract, Pyrus Malus (Apple) Fruit Extract, Foeniculum Vulgare (Fennel) Seed Extract, Visnaga Vera Fruit/Stem Extract, Saccharum Officinarum (Sugar Cane) Extract, Camellia Sinensis Leaf Extract, Panthenol, Betaine, Chlorophyllin-Copper Complex, Tocopheryl Acetate, Citric Acid, Behentrimonium Methosulfate, Menthol, Ethylhexylglycerin, Superoxide Dismutase, Stearamidopropyl Dimethylamine, Phenoxyethanol.

The directions stated that I should apply to my scalp after dampening my hair. So, after a quick wash and adding a deep conditioner, I squeezed some of the product into my hand. It's a greenish-blue color and the granules were visible. Based on the ingredients, I thought it might have a citrus-like scent. Instead, it smelled a bit medicinal (probably from the fennel) and I might even say- minty.

I massaged it into my scalp for about 2-3 minutes per the instructions. After a few moments, my scalp became a little tingly, and just felt good all over. I wished someone would take over the massage and allow me to enjoy the feeling without doing the work. I need to take this to my hair dresser STAT!!!!

Anyway, my first thought is this product is probably great for those with dandruff and/or dry scalp issues. But it feels quite good even for scalps with no issues at all. Even now, my scalp feels GREAT! Not sure if I'd actually buy it though. At $36 for 6oz, that's pretty pricey for the kid! However, if I was desperately seeking scalp relief I might at least go into a beauty store and ask for a sample.

Peace.

I Found the Magic Styler (for me): Living Proof Nourishing Style Cream Review

Feeling rather lazy, I decided to skip my usual Sunday regimen of washing, deep conditioning, twisting my hair. Instead, I laid on my pillow and went to sleep with visions of a wash and go in the morning. Before though, I prepped my greek yogurt treatment and placed it in the fridge. This morning, I wet my hair, put on the treatment and went about prepping my clothes and making my morning smoothie. After 20 minutes or so, I jumped in the shower and rinsed myself and my hair (used As I Am Coconut Co-Wash). I then immediately applied my leave-in Paul Mitchell The One Conditioner to prep for styling. Normally I just apply EcoStyler Pink and leave. On a whim (and because it was mean-mugging me from the counter), I decided to add the Nourishing Styling Cream by Living Proof.

I stumbled upon this product thanks to my husband who works at Sephora (he does the work, I get the perks). It managed to make it home last month amongst a bag of other goodies. Aside from reading the front rah-rah about not having any oils or heavy silicones, I ignored the ingredient list. As snobby as I am about products, I trusted sight unseen because I liked the feel of it on my hands. It's very light and creamy without being too heavy. I initially tried it out on my twist sets with pretty amazing results (definition and stretch without first drying my hair).

Twist out with LP Style Cream

Even after the twist out, I wasn't ready to judge because I teach Zumba most evenings. As a result of the workouts, my hair often looks great during the day but comes off as a freak when you see it at night. :D 

I've tried many cream-based products that proclaimed to enhance curls but did very little for my hair alone. It was like adding absolutley NOTHING. The other products also didn't mix well with gels which I've always seemed to need for hold or risk the shrunken-brillo-pad-effect by the end of the day. This is why I resorted to gel and conditioner only styles. My only complaint was major shrinkage after it began to dry. When I added the Nourishing Styling Cream this morning, it was like my hair finally surrendered. The heavens opened and music began to play as my curls bowed down, even while wet. Well, actually the music was just my cellphone telling me it was time to get up and out. But seriously, I think the heavens did open. The styling cream seemed to elongate my curls rather than cause them to withdraw. For the first time in forever, I thought that perhaps I did NOT have to apply EcoStyler afterward. But I chickened out and did it anyway. After all, 8 hours is a long time to go around work looking like a Crunchy Side-Show Bobbi with no spray bottle! Either way, as soon as I came out the bathroom to grab the gel, the husband said my hair looked longer and asked what I did differently. Still pretty wet at this point...



Wet hair with the cream added

Later, a natural friend at work asked me what I did today and when I told her it was a wash and go, she repeated "wash and go-ooo?!" in a very shrill voice! And right then, I knowed there was a God! Normally, I try to fluff my hair after it dries to make it bigger but with this product, it stayed pretty elongated without help. Most notably, it elongated most of my hair and not just the bangs which usually hang without much effort. Unfortunately, the back of my hair ALWAYS shrinks and it couldn't change that particular fact. But-- we'll see what happens after a few tries. Here's a pic after it dried today..: It's almost as big as my twist-out hair which is no easy feat!

 I'm going to try it again tomorrow without the gel just to see what happens. This is a fairly pricey product/line developed by a group of founders who used the studies of an MIT professors and his colleagues who were looking to develop beauty products in more innovative ways. I like what they have done so far. Stay tuned!

Have you tried Living Proof products? Which ones and what do you think?

Treating my stomach and hair to yogurt goodness!

I enjoy pampering as much as the next eyeglass rocking diva (you know… because girls with glasses rock!). My pampering does not end with the occasional waxing, pedi, mani and/or massage. I also love to deep treat my hair when I’m at home chillin’. Due to my professionally done color treatment as well as the level of frizz and single strand knots I experience I feel the need to be the Buzz Lightyear of natural hair. I am willing to go “to infinity and beyond!” with my hair care techniques.

Since I’m already on a quest to lead a healthier and more active lifestyle, there are certain items I always have on hand. A main food item I keep on hand is Greek yogurt which I use in fruit smoothies and as a breakfast staple. Greek yogurt has protein and keeps me full for longer periods of time. Along the way, I’ve read a few ideas of using yogurt as a hair mask. I saw on curlynikki.com earlier this week that she used Greek yogurt as a cleanser. It stuck in my brain because I work out at least 30 minutes a day (participating in a 30-day fitness challenge) and my hair and scalp sweat regularly. I don’t always feel like washing and sometimes I want to do more than co-wash. Either way, I know that I want to care for my color-treated hair and scalp at all times.

So, last night after teaching Zumba I felt determined to do a yogurt treatment in lieu of my usual co-wash. I wanted to combine it with a scalp massage. Rather than do them separately, I wanted a mix that would allow me to deep treat, cleanse and boost scalp health. Here are the ingredients I used and why:

ü      ½ cup of full fat Greek yogurt (Smoothes and hydrates strands)

ü      1.5 Tbsp of organic honey (conditions, imparts shine and helps with moisture retention)

ü      1 tsp of cold-pressed castor oil (Promotes growth and as a pore cleanser on my face so...)

ü      1 tsp vitamin E (Slows down the aging process (gray hair!) and improves blood circulation to the scalp)

ü      5-6 drops of Basil essential oil (promotes growth by stimulating hair follicles, boosts hue of hair color)

I mixed it all in a small bowl and put it on my hair for 30 minutes. I made sure to create parts and allow placement on my scalp. I then massaged it into the scalp for a few minutes before waiting out the rest of the time with a plastic cap. I rinsed in the shower and made sure to get it all out. I followed with a quick conditioner wash using hello hydration to make sure I rinsed all of the yogurt out. I understand it can cause quite a stink if any is left behind. My hair felt great and the curls were clumped and ready to go. Afterward I used one of my random leave-ins and a styler for flat twists. This morning my hair looks and feels great, has a nice sheen, and quite a bit of body despite the dreaded shrinkage monster (cue horror movie music). I’m pleased and will do this once a week although next time I might go lighter with the basil because the husband gave the smell 2 thumbs down. Hated it! :D